Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Indifference NOW!: TPSDM 2006: The People Shut Dey Mouths!

Not to be confused with the People Speak 2006, this is the official launch of the first annual The People Shut Dey Mouths (TPSDM) 2006. In honour of the great leaders of the past who forcibly silenced and oppressed those that disagreed with them, The People Shut Dey Mouths is a great new initiative that anyone can get involved with. All you have to do is . . . nothing! That’s right, The People Shut Dey Mouths is the only global campaign that you can get involved with by NOT being involved.

Historian Arnie Toymee believes, “People have been silent for ages and The People Shut Dey Mouths is just one way to celebrate a longstanding precedent of disinterest, apathy, and general laziness. If there’s nothing in it for me, then why should I try?”

Indeed, one look at the facts points to how being silent is much more of a traditional way of life, than speaking out against injustice, poverty, and prejudice. In fact, the last several millennia of human history show very little change in human behaviour: people were mean and stupid thousands of years and ago and, sustaining that image, people continue to harm one another, the environment, and, best of all, remain silent.

For psychologist Dr. Pill, “People do not behave in ways that makes them put in any extra effort, unless they are being paid. And, even then, if they can get money without putting in any effort, then that’s what people will go for. It’s all in my new book, Why I Suck . . . but Can Still Get So Rich that I Urinate Gold – it teaches you ways to make easy money while sitting on your lazy buttocks.”

Environmentalist, economics activist, and self-professed “natural man,” Ralph Nuder thinks, “First of all, we need to become more natural by taking off all of our clothes.” When asked if there is anything else to help save the environment, Nuder responded with a thoughtful, “No. Just getting nude is enough. After you’re free of the mask of civilization, you can do what you want. Go lie on the couch and watch television. Order a pizza. Punch out your neighbour . . . whatever.”

Evil Industrialists United (EIU) admit: “Nowadays, we don’t have to silence people too much anymore, because they really do it themselves – that makes our job much easier. Back in the old days, we had to worry about protesters and idealists. But, now, so long as there is a good CSI episode on, people will be too busy to complain about anything.”

Coinciding with The People Shut Dey Mouths, 2006, the Guinness Book of World Records is holding a “LIE DOWN!” for poverty challenge. The aim is to get millions of people around the world, on October 15th and 16th, 2006, to lie down in a united effort to say, “I really don’t care about the world or its problems.” For Calvin Puritannami, the ability to sleep through serious issues affecting human beings is a sign of natural intellect, cunning, and, overall genius – so, start snoozing! Guinness advises people to take a nap for poverty – LIE DOWN! First, eat a huge meal, because that usually helps you sleep better. Then, find a comfortable place to nap. And, in your heart, you will know that millions of others are doing the same! If you cannot afford a big meal or if you do not have access to food, but would like to participate, don’t worry, after the dizziness, you too will collapse anyway – so, there’s no excuse. Stuff your face and LIE DOWN! for poverty!

By Dalbir

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