Thursday, July 27, 2006

WARNING! Beware of the Bears

Midnight Snack: A bear peruses the
trash cans next to the Forum site.

Are you happy? Are you a debater in Romania? Do you value life, especially your own? Did you know that the Romanian mountain forests are full of vicious debater-eating bears? Are you still happy?

Currently, I am wetting my pants, but that’s a personal medical condition. As for the bears, in all honesty, I am frightened, especially when I discovered the origins of this town’s name. Predeal comes from the Latin, for “Pray” and “deal,” when Greek historian Herodotus observed: “Pray for your sweet lives, a great deal of bears roam these woods!”

Although he is long dead, Herodotus is very wise, for who wants to be eaten by a bear? Not me, that’s for sure – I’m vegetarian. That would just be too ironic of a fate.

Rather than being eaten, it is best to take the necessary precautions around bears. Stick to the trails, walk in groups, and don’t go frolicking into the trees. Bears don’t like noise, but that shouldn’t be a problem whenever two or three debaters get together. While you walk the trail, just debate something. Here is a topic: Let it be resolved, the bears will eat you.

Like trainers, bears are attracted to free food, so don’t walk into the woods carrying food. Also, it’s not a good idea to throw food in the woods either, because the trainers will chase after it, and bears don’t like that.

If you happen to see a bear, it is best to remain still and speak in monotone. Don’t make any sudden movements. In other words, act like a judge. While the bear is deciding to attack you, just tell the bear about the Convention for the Rights of the Child. The bear should understand how wrong it is to eat a teenager and then proceed to devour your coach.

What do you do if a bear attacks you? Well, according to the experts, first you have to determine what type of bear it is. During your eight minutes of prep time, determine whether you are facing a grizzly bear or a black bear. If it is a grizzly bear, you should play dead, but understand that even a gentle swipe by a bear’s paw can kill a human being. If it is a black bear, you should fight it, but understand that even a gentle swipe by a bear’s paw can kill a human being. In conclusion, according to my research, even a gentle swipe by a bear’s paw can kill a human being. Thank you experts for your guidance of our safety.

The locals call bears “Aaaah!” If you hear anyone saying that, run. While all this talk about bears surrounding you may be frightening, there is something positive. If you must miss a lab or debate, there is no better excuse than being eaten by a bear.

Bear Safety Links:

posted by Dalbir

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