Friday, August 04, 2006

Da Judginaters

They come from the future. It’s not just one, there are many of them and they are amongst us. They look and act like real judges, but they are not; they are part human, part robot, part unloved child, but all judge. They have been programmed to say things like: “Thank you for an interesting debate,” “Both sides did a great job,” “This was a very tough decision for me, because I wasn’t paying attention,” or “I have no friends, not even my mother loves me, unless I pay her to.” Watch out for these masters of disguise. They carry long flow sheets and are constantly passing on the duty of timing a debate to someone else. Why? Because the battery in their stopwatches interfere with the radar dish located in their nose holes. Judginators are dangerous contradictions, who are tempted by debate tournaments, but are constantly looking for an excuse to avoid judging, so they can lick the nearest electrical outlet and travel back to where they came, a future of no hope, a future filled with pain, a future ruled by Judginators. The only hope for a better future is the chosen one, that one judge who listens, flows, evaluates fairly, and makes constructive comments – damn, I guess we’re doomed.

No comments: