Monday, August 07, 2006

Resolved: This Forum Should Conserve the World's Water

August 7th, officially 2 days since the first bus left Predeal, 3 days since the closing ceremonies, 4 days since the waterworks and overwhelming nostalgia started attacking our emotion systems. According to certain reliable sources such as, of the 250 some participants at this year's Youth Forum Romania, about 75% of participants shed at least one tear, the cause of which was directly linked to the ending of the Forum. (25% were heartless robots, most likely alien adjucators) Certainly, the 10 or more Forum couples must have started a few rivers upon parting; after all Korea is still a good 20 hours away from Romania even by plane.

Therefore, the statistics clearly show a problem with the conservation of water and I resolve that: this forum should conserve the world's water. To clarify the round, I offer the following definitions: world is defined as international. Water is defined as H2O of which the human body is composed of 80%. Thus, individual international participants at the Youth Forum are considered as World's Water.

The evidence above has already proven that there is an undeniable problem at the forum regarding the conservation of water. Too much water is wasted during departures in the form of unstoppable tears. An estimated amount of as much as 200L of fluids. That's enough water for a whole African village. (And we all know how desperate every African village is for water and all of Africa's just a desert) We shouldn't have the luxury of crying when a poor Ethopian child doesn't have the luxury to pee.

I think the blame here is even clearer: the Forum ends. It's a finite two week event, which ends in a heartbreakingly abrupt manner. Now obviously the participants have little ability to control themselves after two weeks of sleepless nights and all day labs, so it's not a mindset problem. No, this affirmative believes that the cause of this serious environmental hazard is that IDEA ends the Forum on August 5th. And we all know that IDEA is not an evil body, but rather that they just don't have enough money to keep hosting the forum. So, my plan is that the UN will give money to IDEA to keep the Forum going forever. The UN will want to do this, because they like to help people. UNESCO, UNEP are UN bodies, famous for simply being willing to throw money at impossible policies. They'll help too. The World Bank and IMF may want to chip in as well. Oh, let's not forget Bill and Melinda Gates. After all, it's not if any of these people actually want to give the Forum the funds, but that they should.

Clearly, my fantastic plan solves the problem of water conservation, because if the Forum never ends, then no one will cry over departures and water will thus be safely conserved and contained within our bodies. Ergo, benefits:
#1: Solvency of the problem.

#2: All the Forum trainers will be employed forever, as well as the hotel staff who provides us with a neverending supply of wiener snitzle and french fries. Thus, my plan will also solve the unemployment problem concerning graduated debate trainers and natives of Predeal. The world's labor problem is solved. The ILO will be happy.

#3: All the unconsumed wiener snitzles and french fries provide essential nutrients for the scavenging bears. If the Youth Forum wasn't around to waste food, the bears would go hungry, which would result in two disadvantages: 1) Hungry bears is animal rights violation (PETA won't be happy) and 2) Hungry bears will attack Predeal in search of food. So my plan will prevent all those problems, protect animal rights and human rights at the same time!

#4: Lastly, how can any plan be successful without providing for world peace? Well my plan, which is evidently flawless, provides for world peace because the Forum, as we all know, encourages cultural diversity and increases intercultural exchange, which is the first step to world peace.

So in conclusion, my plan is perfect, conserves water, solves unemployment, protects all living creatures' rights, and leads to world peace, rainbows, sunshines and all things idealistic. If you believe in any of those things, then you must vote affirmative, otherwise you're a fascist.

1 comment:

Dalbir said...

Jeanne, you're hillarious! You need to stop being a trainer and come back to debating!