Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The United States Needs a HUG!

This year's The People Speak (TPS) main them is: "Working Together with the World: What's in it for the United States?"
In other words,
the US will force affirmative teams to imagine the US cares about working with the rest of the world. Please help out the self-esteem of the United States; the nations of the world need to make the US feel special about itself once again. Through TPS, you can do your part. Give the US a hug through a TPS debate.

At least, it’s great to see how such a topic will test a debater’s creativity, imagination, and ability to lie.

Working Together with the World: What's in it for the United States?

Nothing. The US doesn’t care about the world. The US doesn’t have to care about the world, because it’s the US. That’s why they are called the US – it’s “us” and nobody else. “US” doesn’t care about “THEM,” “Those Hundreds on Earth that don’t Matter.”

Reflections on the Three Topic Areas
TPS 2006 has three main sub-topics that organizations can build debate tournaments around. Let's unravel the logic behind these topics.

(1) "Peace, Security, and Human Rights."
To quote every beauty queen in history, "If we had world peace, there would be no need for security, because we'd all respect one another's human rights . . . and the children are our future -- issue solved." Next?

(2) "Energy and Global Climate Change."
I don't know if I have the energy to deal with this topic. Instead, I will go for a long drive in my car, spraying aerosal cans directly at birds, while dumping nuclear waste in kindergartens. Don't worry, the kids won't be afraid. I'll just tell them we're turning their schools into Shrek's swamp.

(3) "Millennium Development Goals."
Now all of the topics make sense. With the way the world lacks peace, security, and human rights, and with the way the world faces an energy crisis, and global climate change, there will be no countries left by the next millennium -- except, of course, the United States. What's in it for the United States? By the next millennium, the United States will be the only nation left on a globe flooded with polluted water, while oil-drenched birds fly through the smog, bobbing for land mines, and coughing up Guilders.

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